Beautiful Light

It was never my plan to become an artist.

Becoming an interior designer? Sure. I studied this in my undergraduate season. An architect? Right again - my choice for my graduate studies. I was following the educational plan that I had created and everything at that time seemed to be moving pretty linear. Everything was progressing according to my plan.

The Birth of a Passion

I have always loved expressing myself. It was during my time at Auburn University, my undergraduate college, that my love of creative expression solidified. The studio was the beloved space to ask, explore, and create any and every idea that came to mind. Experimentation and play were encouraged! From my very first semester in the design program there, I knew I was in the right place. Existing and creating in this space was very natural to me. I loved that this program introduced me to ideas concerning diverse cultures, philosophies centered around design and a way of thinking and making I would not have known otherwise.

After graduating from undergrad, I excitedly set off to work in the 'real world'. Imagine my surprise, however, when I began working full-time, following all that I had learned to love about design, and I did not love it.

At all.

On and off for the next fifteen years, I worked in a variety of firms; some large, some small; all with a desk and a computer. Internally, I was always looking to find a groove, any groove, that felt right to me.

Truth be told, the corporate environment was never a good fit for me, but as with life, I didn't realize this until later. I had successfully made it to where I was by paying close attention to the things that creatively lit me up.

Because I had slowly stopped paying attention over time, I did not notice when the light grew dim.

Painting as Therapy

In the spring of 2017, I began playing with paint. During this season, I was a stay-at-home mother to two children, in the middle of a very toxic marriage, and not entirely satisfied in my career (my career was in the "pause" position to care for my children, which I loved). Painting became a way for me to reclaim a bit of my former (creative) self and relieve stress. It was the quiet and reflective nature of painting I loved to lose myself in.

I still do.

In late 2017, I started an Instagram page to show my work and began working on creating a website dedicated to art. I remember being excited and anxious to just do anything creative! After a month of posting my paintings, I was invited to my first art show at a local college. By mid-March, I had my first pop-up shop at West Elm. The response I received in just a few months of painting was entirely different from the reception received during my entire career of working in design firms. Painting felt right, but it was just a hobby...then.

I continued to experiment with paint for all of 2018; it was the calm place for me to dwell. Life continued on, however; our youngest child began school and my marriage continued to erode pretty aggressively. After many unsuccessful attempts at counseling, I made the difficult decision to separate from my spouse and moved out of our home at the beginning of 2019. While the corporate environment was not my favorite environment, I returned to it to support myself and my children. My time for painting was carved out on the weekends.

The sweet gift of healing began in me soon after moving out. Thankful for the peace, I felt more confident to explore different painting techniques. On the weekends (when my little ones were with their father) my full-sized bed transformed into my studio space. During that time, painting became more expressive and experimental. My voice was returning.

And then COVID.

and then covid...

Acknowledging A Dream

I had been working in the corporate design setting for a little over a year when the first round of layoffs occurred at my job. Months before COVID, however, I had begun to experience that familiar feeling of being drained from my job; the deadlines were incredibly stressful and unrelenting, often with ambiguous outlines. There were many late nights and some weekends spent in the office. It was not a life I saw for myself. When I was laid off, I actually felt relief.

So here I was...on the verge of divorce, laid off from my job, and at the start of a pandemic. I probably should have been under my bed drinking, lol, but I was not.

I felt whole and steady. Exodus 14:14 was a close companion during those seemingly unsteady years.

The most natural thing for me to do during that time was to paint. There was not a shortage of inspiration happening in my life or in our world; failure, freedom, loss, joy, fear, love, hate, and hope, were all up for artistic interpretation. I had the time, space, and creative energy to pursue painting in a more intentional and patient way. In the summer of 2020, I was invited to join an art mentor group. There was much was gained from this experience, but a key takeaway for me was the encouragement to shift the thinking of my art as a career instead of as a hobby. The ending of an unhealthy marriage, the realization that a desk job didn't suit me, and a new love for expressing myself through art all contributed to how I approached painting. What I painted.

Quietly, I began to wonder "Could I do this full-time?" The thought at the time seemed completely radical to me: To do something that I loved? And to make a career out of it? Was that even possible?

But God.

God began to show me that it was.

Invitations to art shows, podcasts, and publications - seemed to happen at once. I had no choice but to know that it was possible. The overflow was a welcomed blessing and a beautiful light during an uncertain season in my life. With all of the devastation the pandemic caused, for me, it was a season of healing, renewal, and rebirth. The beauty of God's protection and providence over my life during those years (and now) was completely stunning. One of the most valuable lessons learned through all of this was to regularly practice surrendering and trusting. It is not always easy for me, but my life is better in His hands.

Never did I see myself becoming an artist - but the shift into it has been one of the most natural, exciting, and rewarding career experiences thus far. I believe I have found my groove.

So, no...it was never my plan to be an artist. It was His plan.