Gurl, Just Shut Up and Paint!
This may be an unpopular statement to express at this time, I realize, but I am not making any New Year’s resolutions.
Not one.
I have made them in the past…excitedly! Lists upon lists upon lists of them - all with the best of intentions in mind. As my history reveals, by the second week of January, the excitement fades and by the first of February, I can hardly remember the ‘what’ or the ‘why’ of my resolutions.
No Grinch mentality, here, I assure you. I always enjoy the holidays with my friends and family.
Creating a list of goals to accomplish (under the guise of New Year’s resolutions) would only be a distraction to me now. The type of distraction that would keep me from doing the work I truly love and enjoy.
Painting.
When, during the pandemic, I realized that a living could be made by painting, I jumped in head first, enjoying the creative process and the positive feedback along the way. Figuring it out as I went was thrilling, and the pandemic served as a perfectly secure and quiet “shelter” from the world - an introvert’s dream! Paintings were created just for the sake of painting and were joyously expressed. If you don’t know my story, becoming an artist was never my goal (you may read about it here).
A few months back, I feared that I may have turned the simple and beautiful practice of painting into something overly complex. Because of the many shifts in my personal life over the past two years, I was in the studio less and less. While the mental and physical rest was necessary, the time away from my work inevitably led me to believe that when I came back, I needed to do more. I needed to make up for the time lost (cue the scarcity mindset).
So, at the beginning of this year, my creative energy returned. I was excited and ready to paint. My time in the studio, however, did not reward me with the same level of excitement I came in with. The transition was not easy. Not only did I feel like I was starting over again, but I had a new companion - perfection. Perfection, if you don’t know her, is a stubborn and tricky troll who is opposed to experimenting or practicing. She expects excellence right from the start and is a relentless taskmaster who is stingy on grace. Having this unsavory and selfish character in the studio stole the joy out of the process and practice of painting - and as a result - there were plenty of stops and starts along the way.
In a quiet moment during this trying time, I remembered a prayer I prayed in the Spring of 2020 after being laid off from my full-time job and the pandemic was officially becoming a ‘thing’. Before then, I was not regularly selling my artwork but did paint to stay creative. With all that was happening at that time, uncertainty was palpable.
The prayer came one March evening in the shower of my apartment, with warm water running down my back, I stared trance-like into the corner of the tub and whispered:
“…please, God…just show me what to do…”,
and the prayer was gone as quickly as it arrived.
I am not able to tell you exactly how long after that prayer was prayed that things began to happen, but things began to happen. I continued to test and experiment with my painting - with a quiet joy, even. I continued to post my work and list paintings on my website. Later that spring, I was invited to participate in an art masterclass that would change how I viewed myself as an artist and how I shared my work. Within a few months, I had successfully released a collection, secured a few collaborations with reputable companies, and had several exciting media opportunities.
The goal of this post would be missed if I attributed all of these blessings solely to my abilities. My efforts.
The skills and talents that I have are God-given. Borrowed. Like the air I breathe.
Years ago, I prayed, and my prayer was answered by clarifying my purpose. It was answered by doors being opened to me.
In terms of my career, I had spent a good amount of time in the right neighborhood, but on the wrong street. In a creative field, yes, but not being creative in the ways that would be the most fulfilling for me and not in the ways that would leave a positive mark on the world.
Last fall in my studio, I was practicing painting, again, like so many times before. I was hoping to find a groove, but not finding one. I was beginning to think I had missed my creative window, or that the passion simply was not there for me anymore. Insecurity, discouragement, and doubt set in. Out of sheer frustration, I yelled out, “Dawn! You were given these marching orders a while ago! Guuurrrl…just shut up and paint!” And in that moment, clarity came. I understood that I was viewing my gift as ‘mine’ rather than something that was given to me to be shared with others.
Perfection is a selfish thing. But you can leave her and all her funky friends with their limiting beliefs on the side of the road with all the other discarded and unusable stuff.
So, no. There are no New Year resolutions for this year. I am working on the assignment that was given to me a while ago. I will do my best to honor that beautifully answered prayer as creatively as I can and share it.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” - Jeremiah 29:11
